#11) More About the Label “Spanko”

I love a good, polite conversation! As an outgrowth of post #7 about the label “spanko”, I received a number of emails and several Replies on here, all very cogent. You, my friends, broadened my perspective.

I don’t like the term “spanko”, I think it sounds clunky. My first experiences with impact play were with hand spankings on my bared backside. But then one partner wanted to push the envelope, or spice things up hotter, or I wanted to outdo the set of bruises I got the last time, so implements were experimented with, and heavier play gets normalized. (Does that make a simple spanking a gateway drug?) But I had things categorized in my mind. I wasn’t into being chained-up and whipped, my lover wasn’t dressed from head-to-toe in black leather. I wasn’t at that further extreme of the spectrum, into BDSM. (Irrespective of the fact that we did fool around with my being tied with his neckties to the bedposts, did invest in a flogger or two…) So, when several people shared that they think of themselves as masochists, it didn’t seem to fit my mental construct.

Perhaps I was ill-served by getting on a site nicknamed Fet online for a while recently. (I won’t use the full name for fear of violating the rule about plugging sites on WordPress.) There is a great deal of extreme behaviors exhibited there! I did meet some nice people, especially some who do not fit into traditional binary roles. I did meet some men who think being a Dom entails being rude, not listening, giving orders, being macho (when just the opposite is true!).

Anyway, I found an interesting book at the library (tangential point, don’t you LOVE public libraries? What an incredible concept, loaning out books for free!). The book is entitled Hurts So Good, the Science & Culture of Pain on Purpose, by Leigh Cowart. I highly recommend it, especially chapter five. I work-out with pilates and yoga, concentrating on squats and mule kicks to keep my bum in shape. I’m a masochist for putting myself through that pain for the pleasurable result. So are ultra-marathoners, ballerinas, people in the Polar Bear Club who jump into icy water during the winter. I’m a masochist when I consent to being spanked. The endorphins make me high, the rosy glow makes me happy, the whole experience fires-up my libido.

I’ve always prided myself on being a life-long-learner. But I just learned something when I wasn’t expecting to do so, and I have the colloquy of clear-thinking people here to thank for it!

6 responses to “#11) More About the Label “Spanko””

  1. not to rock the boat – but your statement “I’m a masochist when I consent to being spanked” that does not make you a masochist…… there’s a whole lot more to the definition.

    You said that the website you visit has quite a lot of extreme behaviours – did you know most of what is public is not extreme at all ?? The extreme bits are hidden behind a wall…… because at one point the powers who be threatened to close the website down because of the extreme content.

    I am wondering how long you have been involved in kink activities? colour me curious.

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  2. Wow, this seems quite pointed, and I don’t know why…
    We are all on our own unique journeys. This piece was documenting how some POSITIVE feedback had furthered me on mine. I was feeling bad because I thought that I’d spent too much time describing my journey, was worried about boring readers or seeming egotistical. But not if the readers don’t take the time to read those words, instead start an inquisition. I’m 32 years old. As I detail in the posts, I started exploring my spanking interests at 18 years of age, when in college. In previous, private conversations with others in this community, they’ve commented on my breadth of experience in that time. My site has been up for only ten days, however!
    I DO know the trajectory of the Fet site. As it is still made me uneasy, was not a comfortable fit for me, overall.
    I’m curious, who made you arbiter of other’s experience?
    Can we both de-escalate and talk TO one another, please?

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  3. I’m sorry you took offense to my questions…. I was blunt yes – sorry about that – I’ll try to be more gentle in future……. I was just honestly trying to get a better picture of you…….. again I am sorry you took offense

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  4. Thank you, if you are truly interested, I’ve tried to sketch-in a picture that I’ll be filling-in as we go along. If you have a specif question, please feel free to ask, but know that I also want to protect my privacy/anonymity. It was nice of you to apologize and I appreciate it. Having been treated badly before, I’m conscious how some people choose to treat submissives as doormats to see what they’ll accept. I hope you understand now where I’m coming from.
    Warmly,
    Jean Marie

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  5. The Internet is obsessed with labels. Don’t get sucked in. I spent many years in a real-life BDSM organization. We didn’t have “doms” and “subs.” Almost everyone, even the fiercest tops liked to bottom sometimes. I had a 24/7 “slave” living with me. I still bottomed sometimes. We are what we are. Don’t worry about the labels.

    “Spanko” is an Internet abbreviation for spankophile, which is another made up word. I dislike the sound of it. Also, I had my blog on wordpress.com for over a year. It is perfectly happy with plugging other blogs. I’ve always had a list of links to blogs I like. You’re on it!

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