I love a good, polite conversation! As an outgrowth of post #7 about the label “spanko”, I received a number of emails and several Replies on here, all very cogent. You, my friends, broadened my perspective.
I don’t like the term “spanko”, I think it sounds clunky. My first experiences with impact play were with hand spankings on my bared backside. But then one partner wanted to push the envelope, or spice things up hotter, or I wanted to outdo the set of bruises I got the last time, so implements were experimented with, and heavier play gets normalized. (Does that make a simple spanking a gateway drug?) But I had things categorized in my mind. I wasn’t into being chained-up and whipped, my lover wasn’t dressed from head-to-toe in black leather. I wasn’t at that further extreme of the spectrum, into BDSM. (Irrespective of the fact that we did fool around with my being tied with his neckties to the bedposts, did invest in a flogger or two…) So, when several people shared that they think of themselves as masochists, it didn’t seem to fit my mental construct.
Perhaps I was ill-served by getting on a site nicknamed Fet online for a while recently. (I won’t use the full name for fear of violating the rule about plugging sites on WordPress.) There is a great deal of extreme behaviors exhibited there! I did meet some nice people, especially some who do not fit into traditional binary roles. I did meet some men who think being a Dom entails being rude, not listening, giving orders, being macho (when just the opposite is true!).
Anyway, I found an interesting book at the library (tangential point, don’t you LOVE public libraries? What an incredible concept, loaning out books for free!). The book is entitled Hurts So Good, the Science & Culture of Pain on Purpose, by Leigh Cowart. I highly recommend it, especially chapter five. I work-out with pilates and yoga, concentrating on squats and mule kicks to keep my bum in shape. I’m a masochist for putting myself through that pain for the pleasurable result. So are ultra-marathoners, ballerinas, people in the Polar Bear Club who jump into icy water during the winter. I’m a masochist when I consent to being spanked. The endorphins make me high, the rosy glow makes me happy, the whole experience fires-up my libido.
I’ve always prided myself on being a life-long-learner. But I just learned something when I wasn’t expecting to do so, and I have the colloquy of clear-thinking people here to thank for it!