#30) I Had Too Much to Dream Last Night

There used to be a band that sang that rock lyric, I’ve forgotten what their name was…
Anyway, I woke up at 3:30 this morning and could NOT get back to sleep. I should have gotten out of bed and read a book, or read stuff that’s posted online.
Instead I tossed off the bed sheet and rubbed one out. For some reason, I fantasized about a former boyfriend. This guy was very controlling. He would punish me if he caught me masturbating or playing with toys. I tried to convince him that I had an indefatigable supply of jism and orgasms, but it did no good. He punished really hard for it, too. I hated his punishments at the time, but look back on them now with rose-colored glasses. At least I can say that he was one of the most consistent men I’ve ever been with; he disciplined passionately and made love the same way.
You would think that I would’ve developed some Pavlovian response associating self-pleasuring with pain. I don’t know about you, but for me, orgasms are like potato chips; you can’t stop after having just one. After about four ever-increasing climaxes, I was building to a really big one. To push myself over the edge, I reached back and gave my butt about six or seven sound spanks.
Some girlfriends say that solo gratification leaves them feeling lonely. I don’t share this sentiment. But having no one to spank my ass when I really wanted it sure did leave me feeling blue. To get past the pity-party, I got out of bed, got my hairbrush and gave myself as hard a paddling as I could. I thought of memorable punishments from my past as I walloped. This turned me on all the more, so I used the hairbrush handle to get off. Thus began a vicious cycle of pounding my posterior with the flat side of the wooden brush, then pounding my pudendum with the handle, over and over…
I never did get back to sleep. I’ve been dragging all day long, but, fortunately, it was as dreary outside at dawn as it was inside my head, so I just puttered around the house all day. I think I’ll sleep better tonight.

3 responses to “#30) I Had Too Much to Dream Last Night”

  1. I wrote this several years ago (which means several lovers ago). At the time, I was working-through whether I wanted to try-on a slave lifestyle with this Top. I decided against that, but it was a learning experience. In the final analysis, I decided that I was internally too defiant for that. I guess I’m defiant enough to keep things interesting/challenging, while still being submissive enough to make it worthwhile for the right Top. What do you think?


  2. One-hit wonder, “I Had Too Much to Dream” by the Electric Prunes. 😀
    I wish I found self-spanking at all gratifying. It would make life so much easier. But it just depresses and frustrates me.


    • Thank you for the elucidation, Erica!
      I’m surviving on self-spanking during these times. I don’t find it nearly as satisfactory as with a partner, but necessity is the mother…
      Thanks for stopping by & commenting! I’ve long loved your blog!

      Liked by 1 person

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