#53) Types of Male Tops

There are two types of people in the world; those that actually think one can divide all of humanity into just two types, and the rest of us who realize the marvelous variety in mankind. What I’d like to do here is describe two archetypes, two extremes of male Tops that I’ve encountered, and then put them into perspective on that wide spectrum of reality. See if what I have to say aligns with your experience and perspective.
Let me state at the outset that I don’t have a type of male to which I’m immediately attracted. (I will share in greater detail later that I am exploring my bi-curious side, and I do have a female type of favorite in ethnic women, dark complected, with dark hair and eyes, Latina and Italian and…)
No one knows why some people are gay or straight or on the spectrum of non-binary. Is it influences of nature or nurture or a combination or…? No one knows why some are kinky or vanilla, and if they are the former, why some are Dominant and some submissive. I’ve shared pillow-talk sessions with my lovers post-discipline and sex, and I’ve found two extremes in Dominant types.
In those post-coital discussions, I’ve found my Dominant lovers able to let their guard down and be completely honest. But even then, there are some Doms who just naturally take charge of every situation. Their healthy egos may have flourished to the point of being egotistical, sometimes narcissistic. These Doms do not brook disagreement, it is their way or the highway. They can be demanding, usually quite strict. Accordingly, some submissives prefer the rock-sure solidity of this type of Top. This is the type of guy who will, as a matter of course, order for his date at a restaurant, often without even consulting her first. This Daddy knows best. A real life example in the extreme is Vladimir Putin, a guy who has never questioned if he is cool or not. He just assumes all know that he is.

On the other extreme is a far different type. These types often shared with me that the discovery of their Dominant tendencies early in life caused questions and concerns. They felt “like an ogre, a beast” for wanting to dominate their partners. They carried a sensitivity under the surface, often just under the surface. Since puberty, I’ve liked to imagine celebrities and others as Doms, whether they really are or not. It pleased me to imagine Atticus Finch, as played by Gregory Peck, in “To Kill a Mockingbird” as a mild mannered Top (in both the book and the movie). Wouldn’t it have been a better plot point to make him a Top in “Go Set a Watchman,” rather than being in the KKK? Another prototype for this type of Dom as the character of Westley in the movie, “The Princess Bride.” You may disagree because this character is continually saying, “As you wish, ma’am,” but he’s the one actually in control. He’s playing the long game. He will endure Topping from the bottom from his submissive, Buttercup. He doesn’t live in a land of black and white, all is shades of gray. He isn’t even aware of the concept of cool, and therefore makes that scale irrelevant. I read a poll that was conducted years ago, asking a group of submissive women for pop culture characters that they would prefer in the bedroom. The leading vote-getter was a character from a then-current television show called “Home Improvement.” On the show, a fix-it handyman, Tim, had a helper, a bearded teddy-bear of a guy named Al Borland, played by Richard Karn. Female submissives most responded to his cuddly type of Top, over anyone else of his time. When I read that poll, I had a revelation. I was involved with a man who was the first type, and I was most attracted to that other extreme! I just needed to see that poll to seem to have permission to seek what I truly desired in my secret heart. Look at the guy pictured on my Homepage, the artwork is discussed in post #32. He’s not a macho muscleman, not even buff, just a guy who gets-off on spanking his girlfriend.
Now, everybody is different. As I said at the outset, it’s a spectrum. None of the above ideas is carved in stone, more like scribbled in sand. We get involved with a partner, and only then discover who they really are inside. My last love affair was with a man who was more similar to that first type of Dom on the spectrum. He was older than I am, and in his lifetime, had accomplished a great deal. He was the head of his own company, a captain of industry, and independently wealthy because of it all. He was not strong on compromise and defenses-down communication. I convinced myself that the compromises I made were worth it. In the end, he decided that an aging beauty who stuttered was not the ideal hostess for the parties he liked to throw, the social engagements he liked to attend. You have to decide for yourself what you need, what’s negotiable and what you won’t compromise on. For instance, I don’t think I could be involved with a man who liked to switch. I want a Top to bottom for, and to have those roles secure. At the same time, I am interested in finding a woman with whom we can switch roles back-and-forth, Top and bottom for each other as the mood takes us.

Here’s the bottom-line from my perspective, I hope, given your complex nature, whether you are a Top or a bottom, that you find just the right person to fit your needs and fulfill your wants and desires.

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