JLo was on the Tonight Show on Friday, Jan 4th. She’s got a movie, “Marry Me,” opening on the 11th. She’s been all over the news due to her rekindled romance with Ben Affleck. I’d been thinking about her anyway. Let me work backwards in my reflections.
On the Tonight Show, she wore a red, slinky, satin dress. It was low-cut and backless; it didn’t look like she was wearing a bra. She had to keep adjusting it, as she gamed with Jimmy Fallon. But it was when she turned around that I was thunder-struck. In that dress, at least, (probably with the benefit of Spanx), she looked very trim, her famous bubble-butt hardly jutted out at all!
JLo looks fabulous, to say nothing of the fact that she’s fifty years of age! I’m attracted to Hispanic women. She’s just my type (when it comes to the fairer sex). I’ve always been impressed with how she’s navigated her careers (fly-girl dancer, singer, actress, Super Bowl entertainer, celebrity, entrepreneur…). Don’t believe for a second that she’s “still Jenny from the block,” however, she’s a mega-star. But through it all, she’s been just as famous for having a spectacular ass. And now she doesn’t. She was one of the women who made having a big bottom acceptable, then popular, so was a role-model for me (since puberty, when mine blossomed big, round, phat, thick, juicy, all the things men have said about it). Whether it’s age or diet or activity or whatever, now she doesn’t have a big caboose, which saddens me.
There’s more. She has a checkered romantic past which I can relate to (though I’ve never married, not even once). Through her round-about journey, it might be easily forgotten that her very first husband made a tape of their honeymoon. On this tape, he can be seen balancing a clothed JLo on his knee, and playfully spanking her bounteous backside. To which, she is playfully asking for mercy and reprieve. This tape was squashed by her lawyers almost immediately. I barely got a glimpse, which was more than most of the public, but it made its impression upon me. They played around with TTWD! Was that his preference, or hers, or both? She’s never said, we’ll probably never know whether that once-big caboose is occasionally painted red.
I probably won’t see “Marry Me” until it comes out on DVD. (Even though Time magazine gave it a glowing review, and praised her rom-com abilities. They said nothing about her bottom.) I really don’t care whether she marries Ben or not in real life. I do hope she’s happy. Though he’s addressed his alcoholism, he’s rumored to have a massive gambling addiction. I more passionately hope that the next time we see her, her bum has returned to its larger proportion. It fits her. It fits my fantasies of her. JLo without an eye-catching, heart-shaped, heart-racing backside, isn’t really JLo (at least, not to my libidinous way of thinking).
Do you have celebrity role-models, people that ignite a spark in you? Tell us about it in the Reply section, please.
Shakespeare said, “See how she rests her cheek upon that hand? Oh, that I were a glove upon that hand, to touch that cheek!”