Like Jennifer Lopez, Kim Kardashian is best known for having a remarkable ass. Like JLo, there is a racy video tape in her past. I have even more mixed feelings about Kim K. than I do JLo, and that’s saying something. I’m normally proud of what I write, but given this subject matter, I can’t boast that about this piece. But I decided to discuss role-models in my life, and Kim needs to be included.
Initially, Kim was my secret crush, a guilty fantasy. She was voluptuous, which I found arousing in the extreme, as well as being famous for being famous, which I found vacuous in the same measure. Why did I keep it secret, why did I feel guilty? She was personal assistant/stylist to Paris Hilton (no stranger to vacuousness nor scandalous video tapes herself). She doubled-down in an interview in Cosmopolitan magazine saying not only had she never farted, she didn’t poop! (Did she think her fans would buy that? Did she have a colonostomy-bag hidden somewhere in those small bikinis?). She bragged in Us magazine that only five months after giving birth to her first child, she could again fit into a slim-fit pair of Ralph Lauren jeans that cost over two thousand dollars! She was so transparently out-there and active on social media that robbers were able to easily rob her! She subscribed to some strange diets, combined with a corset-training regimen, which at times left her body looking bizarre. I don’t understand her taste in men, but someone else could say the same thing about me.
So why am I still intrigued by her? Have you seen that sex tape? She made it with a boyfriend, Ray J, when in her twenties. She’s naked and lying flat in the lazy doggie position, but you don’t see anything. When I first saw it, I thought Kim was taking it in her ass. Everything about her is inwardly focused, as if in discomfort. She’s softly moaning, as if to self-talk herself through it. There’s nothing exuberant or ecstatic about it, like vag sex usually is. Maybe she was stoned, maybe her boyfriend was exceedingly well-hung and tough to accept, maybe she was pre-orgasmic. Maybe she’s just a somnambulist-lousy-lay. She claimed that the tape was released without her permission. But it vaulted her into notoriety (similar to Paris Hilton’s, who was seen giving oral sex to one of her beaus), which she then parlayed (with her promoter Mom’s help) into a syndicated cable-television series, a line of fashion, on and on, etc. In short, she’s emblematic of Americana, its lack of culture, its fixation on celebrity for its own sake. Unlike JLo, there’s no discernable talent in the family outside of self-promotion. There’s no there there. And she’s made multiple millions of dollars as a result. I feel slightly soiled for being enchanted by her (or who she was years ago).
Ironically, current-flame Pete Davidson met Kim on Saturday Night Live when they recreated a Disney “Aladdin” scene where Kim was dressed as Jasmin, in a harem-girl outfit. That is exactly how I have fantasized about her with her beguilingly beautiful Armenian coloring.
And tomorrow, if Pete D. revealed that he was spanko, had a tape of disciplining Kim’s big bare bottom, I would happily make them all the richer and buy it. I hate what that says about me, but there you have it. I worked hard to divorce Kim from all the other stuff (her father representing O.J. Simpson, her ridiculously short marriage, her liaisons with people I’m no fan of, like Kanye or Pete, her trans-step-dad, the rest of her family, her parenting), and just deal with feeling about her. I’ve been smitten by her (or more accurately certain aspects of her, her flashing eyes, her sultry voice, her large ass), I’ve never shared that before, and, most of all, I feel like I need a shower and then a spanking for this. I’ve had to accept that my brain is put-off by someone with so much money but so little class, even while my eyes are processing via my brain the fact that my libido is incredibly attracted to her phenomenal bottom.
Do you have a guilty fantasy? Talk about yours in the Reply section. I’d love to hear from you!
An example of Kim’s expert manipulation of the media.
One of the shots from Kim’s several photo-shoots for Playboy.