I hope that I can clarify a few things here, though it may be convoluted.
I just posted a fictional piece that includes some facts from my recent life experience. But, to be clear, Robert has not proposed to me, and at this moment, I do not want him to ask me to marry him! (More about this later.)
At the same time, I spoke openly about actually receiving multiple hard punishments and lamenting the sorry state of my sore butt. Some readers didn’t take those statements seriously. I can now say that I’ve gotten to the place where I can say the following facts… I got punished very hard by my lover. I deserved everything I got. I benefited from the harsh treatment. I’m not easy to live with, and I trust my lover to rein me in, do just as he did, and punish me repeatedly if I repeatedly need it. I am now in my happy place with a cleaned-off slate behaviorally, and evidence of my lover’s caring on my marked bottom, and just the right amount of sting in my tail.
I still think it is unjust of Robert (and apparently many others, too) to think it’s okay to punish me harder and longer merely because my thick tush can absorb it!
Now, to delve into the more murky “feelings” area… I love my man deeply. He fulfills SO many of my needs. He tried to give me an incredible gift on our trip, but it didn’t work out. Under the cloak of anonymity, he wanted to hire a female sex worker in a foreign city to meet us in our hotel room. It was his plan that I could then punish a female and be punished by a female for the first time in my life. When I learned of this plan, I was SO sorry and disappointed that it didn’t work out. BUT, it wouldn’t have answered all my desires. I DO want to switch, assume the Top role and punish another woman thoroughly. A part of that would entail her kissing all my orifices for sexual gratification. I would then love to reverse roles and have that woman punish me thoroughly, and as a part of that, make me do what I long to do, kiss and lick all of her orifices. Obviously, it wouldn’t be a good idea to do all this with a sex worker! They’ve been with others; that’s how diseases get spread! So I’d still like to “play” on some future trip, but I’d really love to meet a woman, grow to know and like her, naturally let things evolve to where we could “play” together. I have shared all these bisexual feelings with my heterosexual lover. If “playing” in this way would get it out of my system, then I would welcome taking the next step in my commitment to him. If I found that this appetite was deep, we’d need to discuss having an open relationship. I hope this makes sense…